Because of all the things that happened to me last year, i never realized that I have a lot of real friends. There was a time when I thought they’ve all left me. I mean, we all know I’m not the type of girl who’s always allowed to go to parties and such. It’s a ratio of 3:10. hahaha Yep. That’s how seldom I go out. It has its positive and negative sides.
Positive: I’m always safe.. haha. No harm coming after me when I’m at home than late outside with all those perverts and jerks. I don’t have to drink a lot. my gosh, I don’t want to die early ’cause of liver cancer or liver failure ’cause I do nothing but drink beer, gin, brandy and tequilla. haha. I get enough sleep for school the next day. Don’t wanna become dumb and get kicked out from school. Especially now that I’m graduating. I get to focus on my career and not just social life. Older people don’t think of me as “pakawala” or “kirengkeng” and all those bad criticisms just ’cause I’m always out at night and with different or random people.
Negative: I don’t get to bond with my friends (top of the list). I don’t know what’s been happening with the barkada anymore. I get left out ’cause they know almost everything about each other and all I can do is ask everytime they laugh about something they did the other get together. I lose some friends because they get closer with other people and lose touch with me. My friends would think “they don’t know me anymore” ’cause they don’t know anything about me as well. Next time there’s a get together or a party, they won’t invite you anymore since they know you won’t be allowed anyway. (ouch). I don’t want to waste my youth. I want to enjoy these parties as much as I can. I can’t do this when I’m already old.
Yep, those negative things made me think I’ve lost all my friends. I mean, yeah, they say hi and stuff but really, there’s no connection anymore. It’s like, they’d rather be with other friends whom they have common interests with or those who go out with them that often. ‘Cause you can’t blame them. It’s more fun to be with people who are always there with you. You get closer and wouldn’t really be that much interested with those who don’t join your parties. Those who are just like me. Really, there was a time I thought I never had any real friends.
But since the tragedy happened, WOW! I realized, I’ve got SO MUCH. I even got to catch up with the lives of my other HS friends. I found out a lot about them and I had fun talking with them. Anyway, this week, I had my night shift. It was fun ’cause I didn’t have to be alone at night. hehe. Though I didn’t get to see my other friends ’cause I had to go home after. Today, even though it was raining, I wore my jacket and walked from the clinic to my school just to see my other friends. Yeah, I walked, without an umbrella. haha.
I had fun. Everyone was like, “Celisse!! I missed you! How are you na?” and then they would hug me.. Yeah, I needed that. I needed LOTS of HUGS. And it felt nice. I loved the feeling that they noticed me. That they cared about how I was. That they told me everything was going to be ok. And that they’ll always be there for me, they won’t let me sink deeper.
I felt it. And a tinge of happiness suddenly came to me. They were really supportive. They would advice stuff for me to do, and everytime they see me alone, they would sit beside me and talk to me just so I wouldn’t have to think about it. They said they will help me become my normal self again. The way I was when they first met me at 1st year college. Always smiling, always happy.. no one could bring me down.. As in NO ONE. haha. They told me I have to RAISE MY PRIDE again. hahaha. I dunno if that’s a good thing. 
I wasn’t that nice when no one could reach my pride. I wasn’t nice at all. but I was strong. Maybe I can be in between. teehee
This year, I will bring back my high school me. haha. I won’t take everything seriously. Take things light and try to stay in my future med school. haha. I wonder how I’m going to do that? But honestly, I just want to enjoy med school. Meet new additional friends along the way, and grow up. Be more mature and responsible. And next time, I won’t make any more mistakes.
You’re gonna love me.
Thanks to all my friends who supported me. Thanks for the warm hugs and the comfort foods. haha. I know.. I have to take advantage of this feeling. Hey, I said I wanted to get a bit “fatter”. Not that I ever got fat. haha. Let’s PRAY I gain a little weight. Just enough to make me look glamorous.. haha. Especially now, summer’s coming. Say NO to hard drinks para mawala ang mga bilbil sa gilid.. at beer para mawala ang malaking puson.. kadiri.. haha
Ayun na nga. haha. Realization: There are a lot of people who love me, who won’t hurt me, who will be there with me though thick and thin. It doesn’t have to be just one person. What’s one versus a hundred?
I’m not mad if that’s what people think. Not anymore. I couldn’t stay mad that long. haha. Give me just a night and I’m ok again. Just don’t let me remember. Hey, I know what happened wasn’t nice but as my friends said (namely, franky, dave, pinky, arjay, migs) at school kanina, I shouldn’t let it affect me ’cause in the end, ako pa rin ang talo. ako na nasaktan, ako pa malulubog.. Magfocus na lang daw ako sa pagpapaganda at sa pagaaral. hahahaha. grabe yun!
Gosh, I never thought those words would come from those people. Not just those mentioned above. Marami sila. I mean, usually they’re just happy-go-lucky people with no problems. Or so I thought. Totoo nga, those who look like they have no problems are the ones who have the biggest. Magaling lang talaga sila magtago. 
With my family, yeah. na-hot seat ako sa reunion. ALL the reunions. haha. They gave me advice and stuff. Ayun, still not allowed until 25. haha. some just joked about it. I mean, my other cousins already have their boyfriends and their parents just let them. Well, maybe they do mind but they just let them. haha. Well, I understand them, but honestly, what if I find the right one and I’m not allowed to have one yet, will i let go of him. or let him wait that long? haha. Lucky me if I find a guy who can wait that long for me.. Oooh, like prince edward at the prince and me movie.. haha my favorite.. (he waited for her until she finished med school). Wish me luck! teehee. So there, I’m also thankful for my family for making me realize I’m still young and there are a gazillion guys out there. Smile.
I don’t hold all the problems in the world, some have bigger ones, and I’m not going to leave it or run away from it. I will face it. And with friends like these beside me, with my family of course, I’m one of the luckiest girls in the world.
Thank you GOD for making me realize, and thank you for giving me these people. I lost some, but I got more than the one I lost.
Thank you guys! I love you. 
Watch out for the aftershock (What aftershock? I think I’ve been there already. ^_^)