ang gulo! haha
Friday, March 28th, 2008THis was my first post..
I’m happy now. Kahit magisa lang ako. I really don’t need anyone to make me happy. Siguro, someone can make me happier, but I’m happy by myself. I’ve learned to loe myself again. I’ve realized that if someone cheated on me like that again, I can handle it. It’s not going to be my loss anyway.
We’re ok now, as friends..
He said he’s courting me again.. haha.. yeah, we see each other again. go out for lunch and stuff. At least now, he’s the one who’s suggesting to meet. At hindi na ako ang nagsasabi na pumunta siya sa school para sunduin ako. He’s doing it on his own na, without me telling him to. hehe..
I don’t think the girl’s over him yet. I don’t know. They became together when I said we had to cool off. I guess he took it real hard. I never knew about her, until i found out. It was weird because when we got back together, (and he was the one who told me we should give it abother try.) they were STILL together.. haha so you could say, yeah, I got two timed. He had an explanation for that but for his sake, I won’t write it here. He might get into troube. 
Yesterday, I found out that when he told me he’s going to go to laguna with his friends, he was with the girl. Yeah, he told me the truth about going there with his friends and their girlfriends. I asked him why he didn’t ask me to come. He told me even if he did, I wouldn’t be able to go anyway. He has a point though. We all know my parents won’t let me go to far places. They don’t even know I have a boyfirend then. They don’t even know I HAD one. So there. I asked him if he’s not going to get left out because all of his friends had their girlfriends with them and I’m not there. He said it was ok. Now I know why. He did have a girlfriend with him. The other one. hahaha.. I’m just making kwento. No bitterness here take note. I’m really ok now. what bothered me was just how sweet they were and yet he told me he never really loved her anyway. I hope that’s true, ’cause honestly, right now, I don’t know where to hold on to. It’s hard for me to believe him na, but I’m trying. I still have my doubts though. Even though he told me he still WANTS me. That’s he not that happy because we’re still not together. HE told me nice stuff that, yeah, he can live without me, because he’s done that for the past 19 years, but everything changed when he met me. (haba ng hair ko noh?) Does sound like one of the lines in a movie, but hey, it’s still nice to hear from someone you still love and he know that.
I believe him that they’re not together anymore, but seeing how the girl could not forget him and how she doesn’t hate him and how she likes it when they talk. (yeah, they were when he told me they weren’t anymore). I couldn’t help but think maybe, just maybe, they’re still together. I don’t know if I should just close my eyes and act like I can’t see these things. BUt who am I fooling? I’ll just make a fool out of myself.
So there. I’m happy right now. I’m happy with my friends. I’m happy we’re (he and I) friends. I won’t name him. He might get into troubel with her and his friends. Yeah, I still care about him. We were once "bestfirends". He’s my buddy. That’s how everything started..
I’m turning 4th year now! I"m going to get my grades tomorrow and my white uniform. YEAH! Thank God I passed third year. He’s answered my prayers. I’ve been miserable for two months now. Maybe he took pity of me and finally made me happy again.. I love you God! You’re the best.. haha.
I think I’ve written too much now.. haha. Haven’t written anything since finals came. I’ve been really busy. Anyhoo, byers! I miss all my friends!
HEre’s the second..
He’s not ready for me.. haha. I asked him if he was serious with me. He said yes. Easy for him to say.. words are cheap. (I know he’ll get mad at me for saying that). He always had a short temper.. That’s why I asked him in the first place. I called him the minute I woke up to find out he was talking to his friend na parang girlfriend na niya, take note, guy yun ah. Hahahaha Then after a few minutes, nagiinit nanaman yung ulo niya…J Alam ko na, impatient. Anyhoo, I told him it’s not just about his intentions. I asked him if he’d always be there for me. He said yes. And when I finally asked him kung uunahin ba niya ako, he said yes. I asked him if he was sure. He said yes. And finally, sa kakulitan ko, I told him, “Sabi mo yan ah. Uunahin mo ako.” Then he went quiet. I asked him, “Ano? Bakit tumahimik ka?” Then he said, “Eto nga, sabihin mo sa’kin, tayo ba?”
Ouch! I wanted to tell him, “Hindi, akala ko lang kasi sabi mo mahal mo ako!” hahaha but I didn’t. I just kept quiet. When he asked me “O, saan na nagpunta yung mga tanong mo?” I just replied, “Wala, nasagot lang lahat.” So it’s my fault he’s like that?
Yeah, he answered all my questions with one answer. There! Now I’m having more doubts about this. I don’t think he’s ready. He still has this kid part inside of him even though he won’t admit it. He still cares more about his night-out with friends and his computer games. Hindi niya ako mauna kahit na isang text lang. ‘Cause if he texted me, mamamatay siya sa game. Hahahaha. Oh well, some people are really like that. But hey, I’m ok now. Nagulat nga ako when he told me that I didn’t cry eh. I’ve finally come to my senses. I’m thinking na. It’s not always true that you just have to follow your heart to be happy. Sometimes, you’re just gonna look stupid. You have to think as well para hindi ka magmukhang tanga. It’s such a pity that everyone has to experience all this shit just to understand those words. It’s different with other people. But either way, you’d have to go though all of that just to learn a lesson.
What happens next? There are a lot of signs that we’re not for each other. All that’s holding me back from leaving are his words. Should I believe him or not? You can’t blame me from having second thoughts. He lost my trust and I’m still looking for it. Does he really love me like he says he does? I still love him though. Duh?! Hindi ba obvious? Maybe that’s why he’s taking me for granted sometimes. ‘Cause he knows I’m always here. If he finally gives up, then it’s over. At least he can’t blame me for that. Well see. I’m still happy for my friends. Just my friends. They’re the only one who listens and understands me..
Sigh, ang gulo ng buhay.. hahaha! At least I’m still alive! THank you God for my 20 years..
